What do you do for self-care?

Contributed by therapist Trisha Broihahn, LMSW

It’s something I ask my clients almost every session. “What do you do to take care of yourself?” To many, taking care of themselves is an unfamiliar concept. We’re always giving of ourselves to others. We like to put other’s needs before our own. We think about how we affect people before we think about how it affects ourselves. I see this all the time with my clients. “Did you really want to pick up the extra hours at work?” “No, but I didn’t want to make anyone upset.” We rarely take time to stop and explore how we are really feeling; tired, overwhelmed, burnt-out, foggy, drained, depressed. We push ourselves to meet the expectations of others.
So why is this a problem? Why is putting yourself second a big deal? One way to think about it is like a bucket full of water. We each have a bucket and when we constantly give to others, our water slowly lowers. We give, give, give, and in return, do nothing to replenish our buckets of water. If we are not being filled at the same time, eventually our water will run out. We will be drained. Being drained of emotional and physical energy presents itself in various ways; irritability, exhaustion, mental fog, depression, lack of focus, emotional reactivity. Anything sound familiar? Yes, it’s important and sometimes necessary to take care of others, but it is also just as important to take care of ourselves.
So, what do you do? How do you start to focus on yourself when you have put others first for as long as you remember? Here are some steps…

1. Self-reflection: Take time and do a self-care inventory. You can find these online. If you’d rather do it on your own, take time to reflect on the following questions:

• What do I do just for me?
• When do I have alone time?
• What are my passions and interests in life?
• How many hours of sleep am I getting?
• What kind of food and drinks am I fueling my body with?
• Am I satisfied with my spiritual and social life?
• How am I truly feeling? Am I stressed, tired, angry, sad?
• How is my mental health?
• What brings me happiness?

1. Compare: Compare your answers to what is truly happening in your life. Look at each of your days; 24 hours each. How are you spending each hour? What percent of the day are you doing things for others versus yourself? How often are you doing things you love and are passionate about?
2. Create change: Make goals of how you are going to incorporate self-care into your schedule. Start small so you don’t feel overwhelmed, but remember self-care needs to be a priority. Write it in your schedule, just like you would an appointment. Sometimes taking time for ourselves feels unnatural, but with time you’ll feel more comfortable and begin to notice the benefits.

What is considered self-care? Lots of things! Consider the following ideas:
Taking a nap, taking a bath, journaling, listening to relaxing music, mindfulness, yoga, meditation, taking a walk or going for a run, exercising, art, getting your nails done, sitting outside, reading, dancing, getting a massage, writing a letter, going to the movies, watching funny videos, taking a mental health day, taking a vacation or small trip, going to therapy, joining a support group, relaxing in the sun, doing a hobby, visiting a friend, playing with an animal, setting boundaries, saying no. Anything to refill your bucket. You cannot fill up other’s buckets if yours is empty. You are just as important.

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