In Every stable relationship the following pillars are present
1) An Openness that allows each person to Validate the other's experiences and feelings.
2) Show Empathy in their understanding of how difficult some things are for the other person.
3) Feeling safe to be Vulnerable in the presence of their partner will help the couple to,
4) Trust their partner and see they both want a good outcome.
5) Bring these all together to form an increased Intimacy that allows a couple to move forward in healing their hurts and forgive the other.
6) A new Respect in the relationship will occur as a result of the all of this work so far.
7) Communication, behaviors and beliefs in the 'space between' will be positive and collaborative Problem Solving will happen easier in the relationship, securing a positive future.
Some couples have never been truly intimate with each other. They need to know they have the capacity to be vulnerable enough with each other and they have experienced this ability in the past.
Most people have negative beliefs that keep them from having empathy for themselves and others. Some have a negative belief of self that they are somehow unworthy. This belief hurts their ability to see the worth in others and believe that their partners can find worth in them. Helping them to find some empathy for self, will help them find empathy in their partner.
Empathy comes with validation of each other's perspectives. The therapist must model this, validate, validate, validate! Then help them see the child inside. Tying the past to the present, through the AIP lens is imperative in helping the client their current responses to things are very much rooted in the past. This will help them connect to themselves, so they can connect to their partners. Extra benefit... the partner sees this happening and is often able to see that child inside and give them empathy. This starts the healing in a real way. It provides a little distance to the emotional cycle and helps them to see their responses and their partner's responses as being the child's hurt feelings that are still present.
To be continued...